Another Last Word On...


by Brian Dykstra



So O.J. Simpson (96K au |96K wav) is going to sign sports memorabilia in Atlantic City. For a mere $160.00, you (that's right, you) will have the opportunity to purchase, through the U.S. Mail, an O.J. (160K au |224K wav) signed photo of the Bronco Chase (96K au |128K wav ). I will not include the address so as not to tempt you into this, the impulse buy of the century.

Who's Buying This Shit?


Meanwhile, various women's groups (that's as specific a term as I've been able to uncover, Woman's Groups) have come out to publicly protest the very idea that this Wife Beater should profit from his legal entanglements. Girls, Girls, Please. Panties in a wad, are they? What's the damn point? Of course O.J. Simpson (64K au |64K wav) is going to sell his name on any tasteless image available. When they taunted him with why not sell autographed autopsy photos, my first thought was not if, but how long will he wait before those become available.

If we've got a guy who's willing to whack his ex with a knife (96K au |128K wav) because she didn't save him a seat at their daughter's recital, what's to keep him from selling his (or her) image, in order to pay for the defense of same.

The real question is: Who's Buying This Shit?


As long as there's a market for the semi-recognizable scratchings of our most famous American Murderer (128K au |192K wav), then there will be promoters sleazy enough to sell the shit. Is that who these groups are attempting to pressure? Sports Memorabilia Promoters? Appealing to their more feminine qualities, are we? Hey, wake up and smell amyl nitrate! (What's with this technique, anyway? It's like the Catholic Church condemning The Last Temptation of Christ. Please, God, Please, if I ever have points in a Hollywood movie, please let the Catholic Church condemn it as blasphemous. Please. You start protesting something and don't more and more people want to check it out? Or does it just seem to work that way?) Sports Memorabilia Promoters? Not exactly the Creme de la Creme of ethical businessmen. (Ethical businessmen? An oxymoron when it stands in the way of profit?) These are the same gutter rats who invented the concept of yanking $15.00 a pop out of twelve year-olds for the chicken scratch signatures of sports "Superstars" pulling down a million six per. Get real, ladies. Yes, he's a wife beater. He's a killer. He's a commodity. And until he is not, get used to it. Oh, I saw recently where Pete Rose came to O.J.'s (128K au |160K wav) defense in this matter. Wow. That's one stellar vote of confidence. Who's next, Don King? Lyle Menendez? Oliver North? Charles Manson? All of the above?




Lawrence Phillips, All World tailback for the University of Nebraska slaps around a young female student, tosses her down a flight of stairs, and (after a few games suspension) is re-instated to run again for the Cornhuskers. But Athletes don't get preferential treatment. Nooooooo. I'm sure the non-athletes at that institute for higher learning get re-admitted to the School of Arts and Sciences after slapping some fellow undergraduate into the hospital. I mean, it's not as if he hit a (God forbid!) a teacher! Or a Coach! ...Or the Bursar.

By the way, on this whole Orenthal James Simpson tip. This whole acquittal thing. This basically non-event. I have two observations:

1. The system worked the way it was designed to work. Remember your High School Civics class: "It is better to let one hundred guilty men go free than to convict a single innocent one." Okay, so that means, O.J. is one down and there's just ninety-nine more to go. Great. I'm sure the Goldman family are all over that shit.

2.In a system where we all know that Justice isn't blind, it's greedy. Where the guilty rich always could buy their freedom (witness Claus Von Bulow, and perhaps soon the Menendez Brothers), it's a breath of fresh air to see that we've evolved as a society far enough so now those same rules finally apply to a rich black man, as well. If that isn't a wonderful, shining, hopeful, bright comment of the advances of race relations in this country, I don't know what is.

Now pardon me while I go throw up.




Mini-RANT

Our RANT Readers e-mail:

As a relatively unreconstructed liberal, I only have one question. How can you be so calm!

--Ernie

Someone tell Brian Dykstra that if his whining, bleeding-heart self ever said to me: "I'm watching you strike that child" while I was disciplining one of MY kiddos, my response would be: "You're about to watch me strike YOU." (Followed by indicated action.)

--Unsigned

To the editors:

Dykstra's comments regarding hitting your child while you are angry brought to mind what a friend had to say on this matter. He is...a physician, a child psychiatrist. His comment was, "If you hit your child while you're angry, you are a child abuser. If you hit your child when you're calm, you are a sadist."

--John Mark Hunter

Dear Mr. Dykstra,

Your article in Desires was, to my ear, a very frustrated scream from the heart...

--John Wojewidka

...So you'd proudly run crack to feed your starving family, huh? Boy, you're a stand-up American. Who the hell wants to work, anyway? Charlie Daniels said it best when he sang:

"If I had my way with people selling dope

I'd take a big, tall tree and a short piece of rope:

I'd hang up high and let 'em swing 'til goes down" (sic)

Now the GOP-led Congress has 40 years...

--Student Microcomputer Facility...Unsigned

Going to have to stop you right there, Unsigned. Forgetting for a moment the fact that the last lyric you sent along makes no logical sense, do you realize that you're quoting Charlie Daniels rather than thinking for yourself? And you know you're a redneck when...?

P.S. "fuck"?

On visiting the International Fancy Food show at the Javitz Center, I was struck by the good sized protest as we arrived...the throngs of do-gooders who felt that the Foie Gras production, distribution and consumption was akin to the Bosnian crisis or Rwanda. Where do these people come from and how do they keep from laughing at themselves as they put their "Don't support Foie Gras Production!" signs in the closet of their Upper East Side flats until they are called to duty again. Are they at all plugged into the same network as the rest of us? I'm sure the homeless guy on 11th Ave wouldn't have minded a slab of goose liver on a cracker had it passed his way. ...I'm with you, man. GET A FUCKING CAUSE.

--Ross

I just read your lunatic, leftist, ranting, "article" on Newt Gingrich. It's the funniest thing I've read in years. Keep it up. Thank God no one really believes the things you wrote.

--Bert Templeton

bet1@aluxs.cnet.att.com

A note to Sosumi (Dave) and Sean C. Shepard: Your little notes were longer than my longest RANT. I tried to get through them but...
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...


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